Have New Innovations in Technology Lost Their Functionality?

When I was two years old, I was gifted a little VTech laptop, where I played educational games, but could not access the Internet. Ironically, the laptop still works, and I found its ability to teach me simple addition, subtraction, and multiplication as revolutionary. There has never been an answer to the most difficult question facing our generation today: what is too much innovation? In my opinion, there should not be a limit in regards to inventions. However, at the same time, I found something that appalled me to no end.

 
The product was called the CTA Digital iPotty. This product completely changed my views on innovation, noticing how unproductive and complete inefficient it has become. The iPotty is an invention to make potty training your toddler even easier, and it is exactly what it sounds like. It is a little tiny toilet with a slot to put your iPad in, so the toddler will be occupied as they do their business. I did not know that classic potty training was not working anymore. Nowadays, a toddler cannot be trusted to sit on a toilet seat for two minutes without making use of some sort of electronic device. If a toddler wants stimulation as they go about their business, give them a magazine.
 
Innovation in the consumer world has diverted from making processes more efficient. Rather, most companies are now trying to make usually arduous processes more enjoyable instead, which in turn, does not help the world in general. I am sure these inventors have one main objective in mind: to make money. However, the necessity to make money in this sickeningly pathetic economy has driven our great minds to invent the iPotty, the Potty Putter, and the One-touch Pizza Ordering
Magnet (yes it does exist- it made the NY Daily News' list of World's Stupidest Inventions).
 
We could be advancing our society. We instead find stimulation through Twitter toilet paper (which published Twitter feeds on your toilet paper), Fork chops (a fork with chop sticks on the other side), the Solar Hat (on those hot summer days, maybe you can produce enough electricity with that solar panel atop your head to power your house, not), and my personal favorite: Bacon scented products. The point is that we don't need any of this crap, and we don't have any use for it in our society (please do not use the bacon scented products- it truly is disgusting).
 
Our country has great minds with terrible ideas. We could use these ideas to make our country better than it is today. Instead, we continue to invent items that give us temporary stimulation and relief from our problems. It is time to quit making Beer Pagers (just in case you forget where you put your beer) and start solving the scenarios the world really needs to be solved. It is time to become productive and efficient once again.

Written by R. Turk
http://expertscolumn.com/content/are-new-innovations-technology-children-entertainment-necessarily-good-thing

The United States Congress: A Satire

There is very little I need to say about the United States Congress to make people laugh at it. Their ability to get things done (or lack thereof) makes them enough of a laughing stalk to begin with. The way that Congress has been operating over the past five years makes people not want to trust the federal government in general. I just wanted to take this opportunity to convey a few points about the current U.S. Congress.
 
I guess we shall start with the 2013 Sequester debacle. This is evidence that our 113th United States Congress is unable to compromise to save their own lives and the livelihoods of all Americans. I would be almost afraid to put a box of blocks in the middle of the House or Senate floor and tell the congressmen to share... Somehow, I don't feel like that would work; I don't trust the current Congress to bake me a pie without burning it. They probably would not be able to figure out who gets to take it out of the oven.
 
The Sequester was threatened as of August 2, 2011, giving Congress over a year and a half to provide a feasible budget to avoid the looming cuts. However, Congress had other plans; they had snack time. They fought over who got to eat the bigger cookie and who got to sit in the front of the carpet for story time.
 
If you have not noticed yet, I am comparing our Congress to a class of preschoolers because that epitomizes their obvious intelligence. You might call them our highest leaders; I call them chimps with the mental capacity of a three year old. This nation was founded on the principles of compromise. These "men" could not navigate their way out of a jungle gym, let alone an "agreement."
 
The House of Representatives is probably more of a problem than the Senate. And by the House of Representatives, I mean Speaker of the House John Boehner is a real problem. Boehner supported a plan that contain budget freezes, which would freeze the pay of government workers, including school teachers, for an allotted amount of time. Do you wonder why most teachers lean liberal?
 
While all of this mayhem was happening with the debt ceiling, Boehner focused on another "major problem in the United States": taxpayer funded abortions. Our country was headed towards economic collapse and Boehner was focused on an issue totally irrelevant at the time. I am guessing this bill did not pass the Senate because Former Missouri Representative Todd "Cross Your Legs" Akin was one of the sponsors. That automatically makes the joke write itself.
 
Speaking of Todd Akin, I heard he is currently teaching classes to women, showing them how they can shut their bodies down during rape scenarios.
 
I hope this was enough to convince pro-Congress Americans that these politicians are getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to play with citizens' money like Playdough. I called out a couple of congressmen, but at the same time, half of them are just as bad. Henry Clay, in his prime, was known as the "Great Compromiser." Every member of the current Congress is just a "great fake."

Written by R. Turk
http://expertscolumn.com/content/united-states-congress-satire

The College Party Scene: It is Not for Everybody

At the beginning of my first semester attending college, I felt as though to fit in to the school's social scene, you would first need to attend parties on the weekends. My first semester was filled with partying, heavy drinking, and nights filled with drunk girls, the drunk guys trying to "tap" those drunk girls, and the claustrophobia of 1000 college students "socializing" in the same room. After my first semester, I figured out that the party scene is truly not for everybody, myself included.
 
When I attempted to go out partying with my friends, I always felt out of place. I had a lot of fun hanging out with my direct friends, but all of the other people attending were foreign to me. I didn't make too many quick judgements; I just got no satisfaction whatsoever from fighting to get to the front of the room where the tap, filled with cheap beer, resided. It amazed me how people would push and shove for a cup of cheap beer. I have never been a huge fan of drinking beer - vodka and rum are more sophisticated and more of my fancy.

 
As a guy, the typical college party would cost me $5 to get into. In my opinion, this cost is not worth it unless I somehow drink $5 worth of beer or have a really, really good time. Nonetheless, I never seem to have that great of a time because I always feel out of place. I'm not a great dancer, I am a little bit shy, and I am also a bit claustrophobic toward the crowds they hoard into usually two rooms of the house.
 
However, what may seem ridiculous to me may be perfectly fun for someone else. I am not saying that college parties are all bad; my main point is that they are not for everybody. Some college students feel pressured into partying because they think that people will think they are a "square" or a "loser" if they don't. The last time I checked, college was supposed to give individuals the opportunity to express themselves and spend their time the way they feel it should be passed. In that case, why do some students feel that partying is the only worthwhile way to spend a Friday or Saturday night?
 
Some college students live for the party scene at their respective universities. However, I am not one of them. I gave the party scene a shot (no pun intended) at my school, but I felt as though there were more productive ways to spend my time. I am not against underage drinking or what some define as fun. Some define the party scene as relaxing, which I think sounds like the complete opposite. My definition of "relaxing" is sitting in my room with a nice cup of coffee and watching stand-up comedy. Though many will not agree, I think this is a perfectly fine way to spend a Saturday night. It does not make me antisocial; it just makes me different.

Written by R. Turk
http://expertscolumn.com/content/college-party-scene-it-not-everybody